27 June 2009

Made it to Iowa nearly a month ago. I've been happily going through culture shock and trying to remember how I ever grew up here. Its funny how a few years away living in different areas of the country can do that to a person. Mike clears housing at Fort Irwin on the 1st and picks up his final paperwork/leaves post on the 2nd. He will drive first to Colorado and spend a day with his Dad, and then head here. We are expecting him on the 5th or 6th.

I struggle with letting go of the feeling that I don't know how long I will be here. When you're a military spouse, each time you move, its always in the back of your mind that this isn't "home" and you are always thinking about the next move. Where it will be, what your housing will be like, etc. I still feel like that. I still feel like this is temporary. I don't have that "I'm home" feeling yet. I'm sure once Mike gets here and gets a job, we get a house, Gunnar is born, etc. that feeling will (hopefully) come back. Maybe its because I don't want this to be home? Deep down I know I need to be in Iowa right now, for my son, for my family's stability...but I never pictured us making our final move back here. So perhaps I'll never let go of that thought in the back of my mind. When will we move again? Where will we move to?

Quick update on the kids:

Mattea is loving the farm. She enjoys going outside and seeing the dog and cat and walking around and exploring. Of course she loves going over to the driveway and picking up and throwing rocks. She is, after all, a desert baby and didn't have much to play with outside for most of her life except rocks and sand. Its cute that she still makes that connection, even when surrounded by acres of grass.

Tate is growing up so fast! He recently had some testing done with a cardiologist here in Des Moines and his heart checked out great. No structural abnormalities and no murmurs. He is thriving here. Gaining weight (we took him off his ADHD medicine), keeping busy working for Grandpa doing jobs around the farm, keeping Mattea entertained and teaching her the basics of Sponge Bob and UFC watching. He is earning a little money with each job he does for my Dad and is putting away tithing as well as another 10 % towards his mission, each in a little sandwhich bag. We talked him into cutting off his "half-fro" as he called it. Its just too hot and humid here right now to have that much hair! He's now sporting a high and tight...just the way Mom likes it.

Gunnar is measuring, in length, two weeks further than gestation. I, however, am measuring right on. Darn...no changing the due date. Although I can't imagine going 40 weeks with him. I'm having many contractions each day, but still sporratic enough that I don't time them. My lower back feels "crampy" nearly all the time, and its hard to be up and on my feet for longer than a few minutes before needing to sit down and rest. The pressure in my hips is almost painful towards the end of the day. Gunny moves a lot and looks completely healthy as of this last ultrasound. In fact every ultrasound I've had has shown him to be exactly what he should. I can't wait to meet him. I picture a long, chubby baby that looks like Daddy (I hope). Maybe he'll have that white blond hair my husband had his first year. Maybe he'll get the curls my daughter didn't. Either way, I hope he knows already how much he's loved and looked forward to by everyone.