Detox and Trolls

For 3 days I have eaten whatever I wanted. I asked permission first, of course, and got it. Of course I told myself "yes, please! eat 5 pieces of fudge in one sitting! have a heaping pile of mashed potatoes! eat bread and pumpkin pie!"

I don't feel so good :(

Detox starts tomorrow. I give myself permission to stop eating whatever I want and take care of myself. Apples, bananas, carrots, celery, cucumber, yogurt, and herbal tea.

Hey, on Saturday I ran 7 miles! No shin pain and I'm sore but its a gooooood sore. The kind that makes you wince and smile at the same time.

Smallish ones are sick. Gunky waterfall out of the noses, raspy little troll voices, and chunky coughs. Husband and I will inevitably get a mild version of it. 'Tis the season! My little trolls go from wheezing and whining to full-speed sprinting and laughing during times like this, and it can all change in a mere 30 seconds depending on how long its been since their last dose of generic Motrin.

Random: I need a good camera. And when I say good, I mean expensive, shiny, and too complicated to ever fully figure out. I could have so much fun!

On the horse

You've heard the saying "getting back on the horse". I feel as if every time I go for a run I'm trying to get back on the dang horse except mine is a wild mustang and you can call me buckaroo.

The name shin splints covers just about every kind of pain associated with muscles in the lower legs. I wonder what is really going on under there?

From step one to step "the end", with every strike of my foot on the ground, I feel shooting pain. I think to myself that it will improve next time. Surely with my weight dropping, my diet improving, and my stretching habits being honed, the pain will lessen and I will magically be numb to the feeling of shards of glass shifting around in my muscles. Strike, grit teeth, breathe in, strike, grit teeth, breathe out, strike...

The rest of my body, from my knees up and ankles down, feels as if it could run a marathon. I end my runs and my lungs, feet, quads, hams and arms are all begging for more. In my mind I visualize myself passing signs that say 10, then 16, then 20, then 26.2 burns in my mind and I feel cemented to my desire to reach that point and beyond.

Running causes aches and pains. Aches and pains cause discomfort. Discomfort makes me want to try harder. Perhaps pain free isn't all its cracked up to be. I like horses with a bit of a wild spirit anyway.

Time and Flies

I realized that I'm missing an opportunity to chronicle a very important part of my life. My journey back to college as a 30-something wife and mother of 3. OK I'm only 31 but it sounds more dramatic if I say 30-something, right?

I'm going to Hawkeye Community College outside of Waterloo. There, at community college, I arrive each day to knock out another few hours of edumacation so I can eventually get to nursing school and finally, one day far from now, walk across a stage with my BSN and at last get my hands "dirty" in the medical field!

Funny, I saw someone wearing a t-shirt the other day. It was black, and in white block lettering across the front it said "community college". OK, I really did LOL.

I'm finding myself severely out of place among the college crowd and when I pass another "old person" in the hall I have to refrain from throwing out a high five. I don't dress like the young ones, I certainly don't talk like them because I'm tempted to start carrying a travel size dish soap so I can whip it out and aim for their mouths when the trash starts spilling out, and I don't have their stamina or social curiosities either. I wear mom jeans, sweatshirts, ballcaps, drive a Buick LeSabre, and carry a lunch box. Just the other day we were in groups in my Oral Communications class and we chose a topic of Playing sports with Injuries for our speech. I was chosen as group leader (again, I'm old, of course I was chosen) and when we were done and starting to stand up I said "ready, break!". Blank stares. Crickets. Only a slight sympathy giggle from the Chinese student who doesn't speak English well enough to know that it wasn't giggle worthy. Oh dear...

Random: Do you ever feel like fruit flies follow you around? They are in my kitchen, yes. But I find them near me in the library a lot. What is going on?! I swear I shower daily!

Before I forget...

I absolutely MUST do a typical "mommy blog" post...before I forget. Before I forget everything my kids are doing right now in their respective stages of development. I'd like to think 10 years from now (or even 10 months from now) I would be able to pluck out the memory of what my youngest did at age 2 that was really cute (or really naughty!) or what my newly preschooled 4 year-old does that just makes me melt (or cringe) and especially what my nearly 14 year-old does that gives me goosebumps of pride (or jaw-clench of ire). So, in order to be in order, I will write it in an orderly order. Tate - Tate is turning 14 in two short months. Each time I say that its like a test run for my tear ducts. My BABY is going to be 14. He is living with his Dad this school year and if all goes well, he will most likely stay. Albeit agonizing for me, after a lot of time on my knees, I know he will be ok and that I made the right decision by allowing him to go. Man, do I ever miss his smile, jokes, laughter, hugs, and big-brotherly help/play with the smallish ones. He is focused mainly on basketball and girls right now. I'm ok with the first-mentioned, however I get a kick out of hearing the latest on how many girls text him and love daydreaming with him about his future wife and their future family. Tate will make an amazing husband and father, this I know without a doubt. So far in 8th grade he is doing well in all his subjects. He has officially passed me up in height, hand, and foot size! Tate has a strong spirit, although he may not realize it, and I have known since he was just little that he would bring happiness and the love of God (and that peaceful spirit) to any who are around him. He is a natural leader and kids of all ages seem to flock to him wherever he goes. Such a smart and talented young man he has turned in to! He loves to play Xbox 360, Call of Duty is his favorite, shoot hoops, skateboard, and listen to music. He is always turning things up after I turn them down, pointing out my out-of-date slang, and keeping me posted on what the best new Jordan's out are (and how badly he needs them, of course!) Mattea - "The Queen" lives up to her nickname each and every day. Mattea turned 4 at the end of July and started preschool a couple of weeks ago. This preschool is unique in that it is on a farm and as part of the school day the kids feed and pet chickens, rabbits, a goat, and a horse...oh, and I think a couple of cats, too. Her vocabulary has exploded and her "bad deed" radar is working overtime. This translates into tattletail alerts every few minutes regarding her brother and, frankly, anyone around her that does something she knows is against some set of rules posted somewhere. She loves to swing on Chewy, her new tire-horse swing, is very artistic, loves to eat yogurt and any sort of vegetable you give her, but refuses meat and most cheeses. Her dolls and books are most precious to her out of all available toys, and as long as she is helping (favorites being cooking, cleaning, sewing, crafting) she is happy. Queenie is and always will be a highly emotional and sensitive creature. I sometimes wonder how she is my daughter, but I am learning so much from her. She loves to rub noses, giggle, be tickled until she can't breathe, and still has her famous laugh that sounds more like a struggle to cough or breathe. Mattea loves to pray and has such a sweet spirit. Mattea loves to word play, rhyme and sing. She still enjoys pretending to be a baby after her baths (all wrapped up in a towel) and is still a snuggler. Gunnar - Oh big Gunns...if he really is my last child, then going out with a bang fits like a glove. Gunnar turned 2 in August and takes the world (and his parents) by storm each and every day. He has a pacifier and popsicle obsession that may last until age 25. His sense of humor is oddly quite advance and hilarious for just being 2 years old. He will do anything to get attention and make people laugh, such as rolling his eyes, walking around with slumped shoulders and his "i'm annoyed" face just long enough for someone to notice and then start laughing, or rubbing noses (just like Mattea) instead of giving kisses. He is all boy. Loves dirt, grime, doesn't mind sticky hands and face, will play with just about any kid that comes near him on the playground, and dares to defy ANY direction or instruction given him by any adult. Gunns is praying now (with help from us) but his little voice and blurggled speech sound so sweet and innocent. He is so much fun and keeps us up and going and on our toes literally every waking minute! Gunns is a bit obsessed with riding the "wee wo" (four wheeler) at Grandma and Grandpa Murrow's house, and is OCD when it comes to having his hands held when he's tired. He has entered, full speed, the hitting and yelling phase of age 2. We are patiently (or impatiently...ok impatiently) waiting for this to pass. However, he is quick to apologize if he knows he hurt someone and always says please and "sank ooo". Pronouncing his "L's" is quite hilarious as he sticks his tongue out and repeats the "L" sound several times before finishing the word. Example : Balololololooon. Just starting potty training too, however he insists on sitting and refuses to aim! Makes for a messy clean-up each time. As of now, I'm just glad he's trying.

Ooooo I have the travel bug. A baaad case of travel bug! Even as I sit here loving our new place, anxiously awaiting furniture delivery, DirecTV hook up, and many memories waiting to happen...I'm dreaming of when I can take my next trip, where I will go, who will be with me, and whether its even possible to dream of a "latermoon" with husband.

My mother's suggestion is to get a job as a trucker. That way I can drive to my heart's content, see things flying by out my window, and say I was a lot of places I wouldn't have been had I stuck around. This does not jive with what I was thinking. I'm envisioning something more like...glamorous...in a woodsy, exhausting, correspondent sort of way. Like...why can't I have a show on Travel Channel? I can eat, travel, have strong opinions, do daring or stupid things with wildlife just as well as the next Tony or Andrew. Like...I can take cool pictures with a fancy camera of indigenous peoples, rainbows, and protests just as well as the next Steve or Alfred. At least in my mind of potential thinking I can.

Perhaps someone that reads this would like to share how they stay content at home, yet still fill their cup of wandering up enough to satisfy the thirst?

I feel like poo.

In other news, in the past 48 hours, I have become employed, gotten slimed by endless kissesmixedwithsnot, spent too much at the grocery store, listened to a specific radio station i purposely avoid simply to get me through "son-sickness" (its his fav station), jogged 3 miles pushing an extra 65 pounds in front of me (and it was uphill both ways in oppressive humidity!), cooked two dinners that were so tasty I'm positive I heard my taste buds applauding, and was able to see some friends perform at a festival (Rock on, Ralstons and Friends!).

Do you suppose since I don't look all that fab in red, that Target would allow me to wear a different colored shirt? I mean, I can't imagine they want any of their employees looking like one big tomato. Or I guess it would be more like a tomato with shredded carrots resting artfully on top.

Falls

Many falls have taken place lately. Starting out with my children, who cannot seem to STOP falling. Gunnar seems to tumble to his knees or face several times per day. Mattea, well, she is nearly constantly falling to her knees, running into things, tumbling down stairs, etc. In fact, in church today, I think we set a record between the two of them knocking their heads on the pew in front of us. This translates into me spending the majority of the meeting in the hallway wiping tears.

We moved to Cedar Falls. Yet another pin on our map of annual to semi-annual jaunts across county lines and zip codes. This may or may not be a permanent move. Of course, since the zip code does not fall within the state of CO, I am hoping it is temporary. My heart, our hearts, are set on settling down within the safe, beautiful triple digits of 719 or 303. Either would suit me just fine.

My husband and I have also experienced a type of fall. We are learning, much too late in life, that we get an "epic fail" in the budget category. Don't shake your head in judgment, dear reader. I know many people I am close to that are coming to the realization that "all those years" they thought they knew how to manage their money...well, they didn't. We are not bankrupt, we are not past due on our bills, and we have a roof over our heads, clothes on our back, and food in our really cool "elite" refridgerator. We are ok. But I am constantly reminded, quietly yet harshly, by that still, small voice that we have not managed as best we could and that IT IS TIME to get it together. Thus, my return to work...

Four years I've been away from the working world. I've been raising my children, managing my household, supporting my husband, serving in the church, and healing my body and mind. Nope, I have not been lazy, although some would disagree...to my face. Unfortunately society does not see a Mother and housewife as a job anymore. It is merely something that "those spoiled women" get to do. Nonsense is my reply. Call me old fashioned, but I tend to agree that a woman should raise her own children, not pay someone else to do it. However, I'm also realistic and understand there are, and sympathize with, women that have to work to provide a second income. I used to be, and now am again, one of those women. Chastize me if you will for expressing my opinions, but may I remind you they are my own opinions, you don't have to make them yours, nor do you have to write me off because of them. It will kill me inside to leave my children with someone else, but in many ways I'm ready to do it. I'm tired of struggling financially, always riding the brink. I've tried to supplement our income in ways I could stay home and again, as my former youth group would say, epically failed. Jewelry wouldn't sell, thus I couldn't further myself in making even more radical pieces...because the money wasn't there. Babysitting fizzled as I realized I wasn't cut out to raise other people's children. Transcription was a waste of my time because I to this day have not found a place to hire me to work from home, even after torturing myself with the useless home study transcription school courses. So I will get up, fall in line, go through the motions, and march back home again every day (picture a line of ants, brainlessly hauling and heaving other dead insects back to the pile) to get ahead and get right those things I should've done differently. Since I cannot say my name is Dr. Wright, and that would be my own fault for setting school aside when I had the chance, I will perform mundane tasks in order to collect pennies in order to send those pennies off to someone else and all the while look forward to the day when I can feel as if I've paid my dues and can return to my home where I belong. Dramatic, you say? I call it reality.

In any case, change is constant. As the old saying goes, I pray for the serenity to accept the things I absolutely cannot change. I need buckets of courage to change the things I can and I'm running short on wisdom because I keep fighting battles I can't win. I guess that's why we do pray, then. It keeps us thinking and eventually, with His help, we figure things out.

You picking up what I'm throwing down?

I can't resist a blog post about how insane my life can be. I especially can't resist a blog post when temporarily living in a hotel with husband and the smallish ones.

We're at an extended stay hotel in Cedar Falls, our new stomping grounds, and I must say it is comfortable living. However, the lack of space and privacy has not eluded us amongst the contemporary colors, furniture, and stone tiled kitchen floor.

We have been here a little over 24 hours and tonight we had to separate the itty-bitties for a while. The constant "No!" and "Mom, Gunnar said no!" was too much. Husband took Big Gunns to the hotel pool and Queenie and I are about to play barbies and happy-meal ponies. Good times, good times.

Hairballs and Ziplines

Wisdom for today: Don't use a de-shedding comb on your dog when you have a horrible sinus infection and can only breathe through your mouth.

Life is shifting. I can feel it. Like...I'm on a zip line and I'm like..."Wooooooo hoooooooo!" as I fly through the jungle (in my story I chose the tropical getaway with the zipline package). Except I keep running into huge banana leaves and spider webs and its messing up my adventure. But I'm secure in my harness and the ride isn't over yet.

Sew ____

Sew (lol) I've been browsing sewing blogs. I am amazed at the talent that is out there. I'm trying to harness my own, but looking at these blogs makes me wonder if I'll ever measure up to Molly at Greentreefrogs or Jenna at saltandpepper (those are totally made up...but very typical).

Last night I whipped up a pillow for Queenie. She chose a fabric with cats wearing Christmas stockings. She helped me stuff it and I think we bonded. We are completely different creatures, but I think sewing is one thing we can have in common while she becomes the mother of 7 mom of the year and I remain myself for the rest of our lives.

This morning she asked if I could sew her some monkey bars today. How do I break her little heart?

I have an urge to go walk on my treadmill until I can't possibly go any more. I wonder how many miles I could go?

I desperately want to go hiking.

De-shedding combs really do work! My hubby combed a whole other dog out of Jack last night! I think he feels better, he's been very obedient today.

I think I have too many pictures of Jesus on the first floor of my house. Seriously, I just looked around and He is staring at me from all directions. Its a good thing, but can you have overkill with pictures of Jesus? Thinking I might need to spread them out around the house.

My son just got a smack on the top of the hand for repeatedly trying to stick his fingers in an outlet and/or unplugging and putting the laptop cord in his mouth. He looks at me, slowly walks away, turns around and smiles at me, then goes to the living room and gives the floor a kiss. Someone please analyze and translate that for me.

Be STILL!

Snow day! In all actuality it is not that bad out where we are. But, our school district jumped on the bandwagon and cancelled school. Seems its what all the cool schools were doing, so...

We are all still in our pajamas. G and M are riding their 4-wheeler and tricycle, respectively, around the house. T is playing Xbox (I'm beginning to think the controller has become an extra appendage).

I'm chatting on the phone, battling my internal urge to get up and clean, workout, fix a few freezer meals, etc. I should be able to just sit STILL on days like this. Just allow myself to stay in pj's all day and be silly with my kids and eat snack food and soda and watch mindless movies. However, this causes a wave of guilt to rush through me and then I end up ruining my childrens' day by making them do chores and trying to emphatically explain that our dwelling is a pit and we can't live like that.

Must...be...lazy...must...fight..."mean mom" syndrome...must...eat...pop tarts...for lunch.

LOLO

So I was thinking today, wouldn't it be nice if losing weight ran a special? Like, Payless. BOGO. Buy one get one half off. Or a nice coupon for Buy one get one free. Except this special would be Lose One, Lose One Free.

Understanding that this is not physically possible, I remain like a child, and still hope that one day it could happen. Similarly, but randomly, I still hope one of these Summers, the sun will be powerful enough to meld all of my freckles together and I will be finally, wonderfully, naturally tan.

I got the urge today to start a new blog. I would assume that is coming from this one being so...stale. I enjoy blogging but need to figure out how to do it from my iPhone. Seems all of the blog-worthy events in my life happen when I'm away from a computer.

However, I'm not going to start a new blog. I like mine. I like the title. I like the description. I like my entries. And as my son screams at me for apple juice, my daughter shoves a paper full of red scribbles in my face, my husband tells me I should do his job application for him, and my son watches Fresh Prince of Bel Air purposely a little too loud on the t.v., I think to myself...my life and my blog belong right here. Starting over would be...(here is where a clever word would fit in nicely) stupid.

More posts...more pics...more insanity, struggles, vents, insights, evaluations, observations, sensations, and inspirations...all right here. In 2011. Promise. (snicker) For real this time. Not that I even have an audience but its nice to pretend and address my thoughts to "you" instead of writing to myself.