Out with the Crazies

So I didn't get up at 2am this year to go shopping like I did last year with my mom (Mom...we rocked!). The fam got up and left post by about ten after eight this morning and we went to the outlet mall in Barstow. We hit Old Navy, Gap and Children's Place and everyone came home with some new MUCH needed duds. Then we ventured to Wally World....MADNESS WITH THE CRAZIES! OK, Wal-Mart is scary enough on a normal day. In fact I can barely tolerate it then. But on the day after Thanksgiving at the Barstow Wal-Mart? It was a disgusting, creepy, picked-over, stickyslimey, smelly, shocking, annoying, unbelievable experience! We did find stuff there that we wanted/needed, but man...you think your Wal-Mart is bad...come visit the bustling metropolis of Barstow and it'll make you feel better. There were moments so creepy that I had to remind myself that everyone around me was a child of God and that I had no need to be afraid. I even forced myself to use the bathroom, but only out of sheer desperation because I knew there was no stopping once we headed home unless I wanted to crouch behind a tumbleweed on the side of the road.

I made my first Thanksgiving dinner yesterday and did mighty well if I do say so myself! The mishes came over, brand spankin' new to the area, and ate most of the food. I was glad though and I even had some leftovers to send home with them. They were a great couple of young men. One had only been on his mission for three days! The other had been out about 13 months but seemed years more confident than his companion. It was great to hear their simple but Spiritual message. It actually turned out to be a blurb from the Preach My Gospel manual talking about recognizing and acting on the promptings of the Spirit...the same exact paragraph used in Elder Godoy's talk from this past conference that I picked out to use as my VT message this month!

I'm thankful that we had such a great day yesterday. I'm thankful that our turkey didn't burn, that the mishes got full, that I have a wonderful family, that we have such amazing technology today, that I have a beautiful but stubborn daughter and a handsome but independent son, that I have a marvelous and caring husband (who's handsome as well!), that the Lord answers my prayers (even though I might not like the answer...see previous blog post), that there is Diet Coke in abundance at our commissary, that pumpkin pie was invented, that my dogs are naughty and playful but stinking cute, that we have a safe place to live, that our bills are paid on time and our fridge is full, that our vehicles run and our clothes don't have holes, that we have the Word of God in print in many different copies in my own living room, and most of all, that I'm an eternal family because of my Savior Jesus Christ and his sacrafice and our Heavenly Father's Plan of Salvation. Want to be thankful for that too? Go check out www.mormon.org and stop wondering what I'm always talking about!

This is quite possibly the "biggest" blog post of my life. Since this is my online journal, and I don't mind all of you reading it, I don't doubt that you might cringe or even place judgment when you read it...that is, if you know my history and family. I won't be giving backround on any of that, it exhausts me.

My son is going to be making a big change in his life. Shortly after we moved to California, my son (who started out loving it here) fell into a depression. He, to this day, is unhappy, rarely laughs, doesn't play much anymore, is nearly failing fifth grade, and is indifferent to myself and my husband. I went through stages of thinking I knew it all and diagnosed it as "just moved", "normal nearly 11 year-old boy stuff", "just misses (real) home", etc. When I realized he was a handful of incomplete homework assignments away from being held back in fifth grade I realized it was much more than I thought. I sought out advice from everyone possible and convinced myself that whatever they told me they thought it was, was good enough for me.

A few nights ago I got an answer to the prayer I've prayed daily since the "dark ages" began with Tate. My answer was that it was ok to let him go live in Iowa with his dad. After several days now of emotional torture, I've come to terms with the fact that, even though I don't like the answer or wasn't ready for it, God knows best for my son.

I cannot continue to deny my son's father the opportunity to be exactly that...a father. For 11 years I've clung to my son and protected him (or so I thought) from everything I ever thought would hurt him. Now I realize I was "protecting" him from things that hurt me, not just him, and it is now that I understand that forgiveness, understanding and love are a commandment from God and that doesn't exclude people I choose.

Tate will be entering a loving home with four half-siblings that he loves to pieces, dogs that are "perfect", a father that has waited years for this chance to be an active part of his son's life, and a step-mother who adores him. Although their lives might be led a little differently than ours, mostly in a religious aspect, I know that I can trust my son to be strong. The foundation I've built for him the past several years is enough. That was my answer. What I've done is enough that he will be ok. He will be able to reconnect with three sets of grandparents and countless cousins, aunts and uncles that miss him dearly.

This will take an emotional toll on myself, my husband and my daughter, however we're doing our best to prepare ourselves. One of the wonderful things about the technology that our Heavenly Father has blessed us with, is that it will enable us to see, hear, laugh with, pray with, even watch a movie with our son even from thousands of miles away. I've never had a bigger test of faith in my life. But I cannot deny the power of prayer and the influence of the Holy Spirit who answers for our Father. I know my Tater will be watched over by those around him and those around him he cannot see. He's been given the gift of the Holy Ghost who will influence him for good and guide him every day. I'm at peace.

Feeling Small

For some reason I woke up feeling too small for everything around me today. I had plans to help someone today and I was really looking forward to it. My kids woke up sick and while my son seemed to feel well enough after a few hours to go play at a friend's house, my daughter refuses to leave my side and sounds like a 15 month old with a pack-a-day habit...very raspy and coughing a lot. Her poor little body is so warm and she's just sitting in her rocking chair mumbling in her language. Needless to say, I didn't get over to help the person I was going to help, which made me feel guilty, sad, disappointed, and responsible for things that ultimately aren't in my control, AND I let another person down by cancelling on her for going with me. I feel small, very small. I'm trying to ignore the swollen glands and achy feeling behind my eyes in hopes that I'm just imagining it because of the kids. We'll see what the night brings.

I feel discouraged because not everyone runs life at my pace, that my priorities aren't the priorities of those I rely on.

Our future in the military is in question and I feel smaller than the undertaking it will be to possibly move on. Yesterday I didn't. Today I do. I really don't have these days very often and its such a bummer to be frozen in an emotion like this.

TARANTULA!!!!!!!!!!

Here are some pics and a video (if I can get it to work) of a GINORMOUS tarantula that just took a stroll around my backyard. It was a good thing I was sitting at the computer, which looks out the sliding glass back door, otherwise I wouldn't have seen Mo, my dog, acting strange and following something around. She was just about to pounce on it when I saw and yelled at her to come inside. Thankfully, as always, she obeyed immediately. Even though I could almost see her mouth watering for a bite of hair goodness. This thing made me sick to my stomach and shaky. I freaked out, grabbed my camera, took a couple pics and a 5 second video, and called husband at work to come "dispose" of it before it got in the house somehow. It made a beeline for both our back doors! Its like it new exactly where to get in! My hubby reminded me that they jump (urban legend? I think not!) and to stay away from it. He came home just as it parked itself right outside of my sliding door. With a swift stab of a 2x4, the creepy, almost floaty, and ultra hairy little devil met his maker and was flung over the fence into the "nothingness" along with the murder weapon. Sorry if this is graphic, but I don't think I have any underage readers that I know of. He told me it was probably hunting (as we simultaneously saw freaking huge beetle run across the rocks near our grill) and I agree...except I think it was hunting my dogs, who are tiny! Enjoy (if that's the word) the pics.

POTTY MOUTH!

I'd like to thank my sister for informing me that one of the songs in my playlist was a little outta countrol in the language department. That's what you get for trusting that just because a band is considered to be in the "Contemporary Christian" genre, doesn't mean everyone believes that having a sewer tongue is taboo. My apologies to anyone that reads this blog, happened to have their speakers turned up and had to hear that! (note to self...Superchick has a super potty mouth!)

And this makes me miss him even more...already

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB122584386627599251.html

I'll miss him too

My friend forwarded me this article she read as she waited for the election results last night. I think its well written and I also agree with the author. I'll miss President Bush, too.

http://www.realclearpolitics.com/articles/2008/11/an_election_day_note_thanks_pr.html

Where were you?

Where were you when history changed tonight? It was 8pm PST and I was on my sofa, still hungry after dinner and I just convinced my son to give up the remote (and the annoying AFV t.v. show). I flipped to CNN just as the announcment came across that Barack Obama had won enough electoral college votes to be elected president of the United States. I have to admit my heart sunk and my stomach turned. I felt, and still feel, numb. I was sure McCain would pull through but I underestimated the large and important image of Obama. I am happy that I was alive and young and will always remember this night and the history that was made. Our first African American president. I bet Martin Luther King, Jr.'s spirit is beaming right now, as he should be. Everything he sacrificed for, ultimately his life, has come full circle. This is God's will and I have to trust that it is what He has planned for our nation. I hope my son understands the importance of this election and now the result. I'm glad he is old enough (nearly 11) to remember this night as well. Although he was in favor of McCain (most likely because I was), he does understand that our first black president is of major significance in his lifetime and to his heritage and ancestors that were discriminated against. I am anxious for the changes that will be coming in the next year. I trust in the Lord and that is all that is needed to handle what might lie ahead.