For some reason I woke up feeling too small for everything around me today. I had plans to help someone today and I was really looking forward to it. My kids woke up sick and while my son seemed to feel well enough after a few hours to go play at a friend's house, my daughter refuses to leave my side and sounds like a 15 month old with a pack-a-day habit...very raspy and coughing a lot. Her poor little body is so warm and she's just sitting in her rocking chair mumbling in her language. Needless to say, I didn't get over to help the person I was going to help, which made me feel guilty, sad, disappointed, and responsible for things that ultimately aren't in my control, AND I let another person down by cancelling on her for going with me. I feel small, very small. I'm trying to ignore the swollen glands and achy feeling behind my eyes in hopes that I'm just imagining it because of the kids. We'll see what the night brings.
I feel discouraged because not everyone runs life at my pace, that my priorities aren't the priorities of those I rely on.
Our future in the military is in question and I feel smaller than the undertaking it will be to possibly move on. Yesterday I didn't. Today I do. I really don't have these days very often and its such a bummer to be frozen in an emotion like this.
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