Drop Out

I want to say thank you to everyone that commented on my little dilema I created for myself of whether to do FCC or roleplay. I started the FCC classes on Monday...I also dropped out Monday... I had prayed the night before (pretty desperately, in fact) to know if I was doing the right thing. I layed out my whole plan and asked if I was going along with His will. The minute class started the next morning I had this knot in my stomach and this overwhelming feeling I was in the wrong place. Needless to say, I went straight to the director's office when class got out that day and told her it wasn't for me. She was great about it and understood. Whew! I feel like I have a huge weight off my shoulders now.

So...the roleplying...I am sick about wanting to do this! They aren't hiring right now and already have a standby list so even if I applied I probably wouldn't be hired. That's fine, because I've decided now isn't the time for this either. Mattea is too young to be left alone for 12 hours a day, even if it would only be for a couple of weeks. The money would be amazing and within three rotations I could have us almost completely out of debt (I've begun grinding my teeth right about now), but I was reminded by a friend that commented, that the prophet has indeed strongly encouraged mothers to stay home if possible. That certainly doesn't mean that working full time, part time or on the weekends is a sin (for all you out there tearing me apart right now) because for some families it is a necessity and that is acceptable. The prophet's counsel is meant for families that can afford to have one parent stay home. Simple. I can afford to stay home right now and I should. I may try and find a side job to work a few shifts a week to keep my sanity, but I'm not in a rush like I was a few weeks ago. I feel like I should check into school, at least getting some basic classes out of the way since no colleges around here have any degree programs I'm interested in. I also feel like this is my chance to travel to see friends and family...before we try to have another baby (if that even happens!).

I have friends that are mothers and work full time. I do not look down on them in the least. I RESPECT them. They have to right now and I admire the sacrafice they make leaving their children to help support the family, no matter what their chosen job or profession might be. I had to do that with my son and I know how drained you are when you come home at night and know that you still need to squeeze out enough energy to make dinner, clean up, and spend quality time with your kids and hubby (or yourself, if you're a single mom like I was).

I promised God that I'd do everything I could to stay home with my children if he allowed me to have more (this was before I was prego with my daughter, now 13 months old). I became pregnant right away when my husband returned from Iraq...4 years of trying and we finally had her. I've been blessed to be in a situation a lot of mothers can't be in right now. I can stay home with her, be home when my son gets home from school, and take care of myself mentally and physically (I was a mess when I worked full time). I'm thankful that God has given me this opportunity, that he's given me my children and a husband that supports me 100 % no matter what crazy ideas I come up with!