Today

Today was like....

*stepping in gum...with bare feet... in New York City
*holding a baby and having them pull an earring out of your ear
*holding same baby and feeling warm spit-up drip down your shirt into your bra
*having to pee during a traffic jam...and the nearest exit is 5 miles away
*popping a zit in high school and watching it swell to 5 times the size it was before...and homecoming is the next day
*taking a drink of expired chocolate milk
*having horrible gas pains while running
*fighting with your best friend
*trying to get a popcorn hull out of your teeth...5 days after you ate the popcorn
*finally getting to that exit in the traffic jam, finding a gas station, peeing.....no toilet paper
*sneeze-sploding while talking to your boss
*waxing half your eyebrow off
*throwing up bile
*making plans to sleep in....then remembering you have a long run in the morning
*walking into the sauna and getting comfy after a hard workout...only to be joined by the hairiest man alive....who chose NOT to wear deoderant while cycling
*breathing deeply in downward dog....then falling on your face when your foot slips on the hardwood
*setting your alarm for 6pm instead of 6am
*wearing heels with a heel blister
*walking out of the bathroom with wet splatter marks on your pants from the sink spraying you...and they are very inconveniently right across your zipper
*gagging on mucus from a way too productive cough...during a midterm exam...and you're sitting furthest away from the door
*sitting in the middle seat on the airplane...between newlyweds
*sitting in the middle seat on the airplane between chatty cathy and negative norman
*sitting in the aisle seat on the airplane...next to the lavatory door....with an IBS patient inside
*the taste of Pepto Bismol

.......the end.