I didn't study for finals today. Not at all, actually. And the strange thing is, I'm not in a panic about that. I am, however, mentally and physically drained. Fumes. Adrenaline is keeping me running. Literally, too...I have a fun Show Shuffle 5k in the morning with a couple friends of mine. Totally laid back, no timing, and we are wearing costumes. Here's to hoping the wind chill is above zero :)

My kiddos, all 4 of them, since we are fortunate now to have found Shane and are happily getting acquainted and loving every minute of it, are all looking forward to Christmas. I'm finally done shopping, except Tate, who in his typical fashion, has requested Santa take him shopping as opposed to surprising him the old fashioned way. He suffers from 16-itis. We go along with it. Honestly, the least favorite part for me is next...wrapping gifts. Why? Because my 2-year old neighbor could do a better job than me. And it takes a long time! I should switch to gift bags, but seriously....who ever said they had fond memories of opening gift bags on Christmas morn? "said nobody ever". Exactly.

When you reach awkward ruts in your life with some, thankfully the Lord makes passable a path that might've been challenging before but is now traveled smoothly with others with brand new scenery, experiences, and joys. Wax and wane...seasons change...some things return...others fade away as an appreciated memory.

I didn't feel like studying anymore tonight, so I took one hundreth of what I just crammed into my brain and wrote a poem. I rather like it. 

Old MacDonald had a Pharm....and on that pharm was....

Thiazides...make me want to run and hides
Nitrostat...I'd rather make out with a rat
Diltiazem...trade me spots with someone in chem
Lasix...i'd do better figuring out draft picks
Quinidine...migraines and nails on a chalkboard combined
Propranolol...making us memorize all this crap...I'm appalled
Amiodarone...I'd rather downgrade to a flip phone

Pharmacology...sucks.

My mother told me not too long ago that I choose to live life the hard way...and I've done that since I was a little girl.

I agree. 

Today I had a classmate tell me she had no idea how I handle school while having kids, because she thought just having a dog and going to school was difficult. My reply? You learn to live life like a walking zombie. I often wonder in the back of my mind if this is all worth it. The ever growing bags under my eyes, the time away from my kids and husband, my housework and laundry left behind, my yard overgrown, my sleep sporratic and light at best, headaches...

Then I remember the feeling I had when I prayed about nursing school. The blessings I've seen since starting this "hard way". How gaps have been bridged and goals exceeded when I had nothing left to give. When I get the gut-wrenching feeling of desperation and drive when I see someone suffering and know I can make a difference, or the smile on my face when I feel that quiet reassurance from my Maker reminding me He wouldn't have made this possible if it weren't in His grand plan for me.

I did have headaches today...my back hurt...I saw my kids for about 2 hours total...I didn't eat enough...I lost more hair...I have new aches and pains...and it all reminds me I'm still moving forward.

Yes...life the hard way...the real way.

Today

Today was like....

*stepping in gum...with bare feet... in New York City
*holding a baby and having them pull an earring out of your ear
*holding same baby and feeling warm spit-up drip down your shirt into your bra
*having to pee during a traffic jam...and the nearest exit is 5 miles away
*popping a zit in high school and watching it swell to 5 times the size it was before...and homecoming is the next day
*taking a drink of expired chocolate milk
*having horrible gas pains while running
*fighting with your best friend
*trying to get a popcorn hull out of your teeth...5 days after you ate the popcorn
*finally getting to that exit in the traffic jam, finding a gas station, peeing.....no toilet paper
*sneeze-sploding while talking to your boss
*waxing half your eyebrow off
*throwing up bile
*making plans to sleep in....then remembering you have a long run in the morning
*walking into the sauna and getting comfy after a hard workout...only to be joined by the hairiest man alive....who chose NOT to wear deoderant while cycling
*breathing deeply in downward dog....then falling on your face when your foot slips on the hardwood
*setting your alarm for 6pm instead of 6am
*wearing heels with a heel blister
*walking out of the bathroom with wet splatter marks on your pants from the sink spraying you...and they are very inconveniently right across your zipper
*gagging on mucus from a way too productive cough...during a midterm exam...and you're sitting furthest away from the door
*sitting in the middle seat on the airplane...between newlyweds
*sitting in the middle seat on the airplane between chatty cathy and negative norman
*sitting in the aisle seat on the airplane...next to the lavatory door....with an IBS patient inside
*the taste of Pepto Bismol

.......the end.

Totally tough weekend... (slowly bring in mournful cello music in backround)

I was supposed to run a half marathon on Saturday. I've trained for months, did it last year (and did it well, might I add), and was so ready. If I might be so bold as to say it, the universe threw everything it could at me to stop the race from happening, and in the end my body finally refused. Illness, exhaustion, asthma, stress fractures, uncontrollable weight gain, and some fancy frosting on top called a migraine.

It started the night before after stuffing myself full of pasta at Hu Hot to "carb up". Dull throbbing...fuzzy thinking...upset tummy...

By 2am I knew deep down it wasn't going anywhere. By 6:45am as we sat in the parking area near the starting line I finally gave in to the fact that this was not happening for me. (increase intentsity of mournful music to climax) I wanted to punch my window and kick rocks and yell into the sky "really?! REALLY?!".

I had a good cry, was tucked in by my Ma who was visiting, and after much rest and drug administration, I started feeling a little more normal about 10pm last night.

My friends ran great, persevered through the heat and humidity, and I'm so proud of them!

It didn't happen. It'll happen again. The end.

2nd semester of nursing school. Let me clarify this is the 2nd out of 5.Long. Semesters.

Picture a class of 59....oh wait, we already lost some...about 56 kiddos mostly under the age of 23 neatly decked out in their "uniforms", giddy with excitement to finally be able to stick needles in people and slide tubes in...well....orifices, and you'll have a clear picture of what my first week was like.

It was good to see everyone again, and the awkwardness of the first day wore off quickly. You know, the awkwardness like "hey! how was your summer?" "good, how was yours?" "it was awesome!" "ya...so you ready for this?" "oh ya, totally!"....granted this is all said in our best beginning of the semester super-cheer voices while all the while we're really thinking "crap...what's her name...what's her name...what's her name...dang I can't think of it!".

Side note: I dyed my hair the night before school started. Cinnaberry. Way more berry than cinna. I'd like to thank those that have complimented me with frozen smiles speaking through their teeth saying "it looks good!" or my favorite "it looks natural!" .... I know what you're really thinking (wink wink)....because I'm thinking the same thing.

Another side note: Queenie informed Big Gunns today that this is how life goes: first you go to high school...then college...then you get a dog. Duh.

Last side note: when you ask your pedicurist (is that a word?) to paint the number "13.1" on your big toes on top of a lovely deep plum color in preparation for your half marathon the following weekend and she blushes and says "you want me try?".... read through the lines and realize what she's trying to say is she has never done numbers...just fancy flowers... she gets an "A" for effort....I get to be the very first set of numbers she's ever painted on anyone's toenails. Win-win.

My second week at Allen was tiring, but not in an exciting way. I know this first semester is like an introduction, and we will all be wonderfully prepared little pre-nurse robots who want to serve our community and like wearing see through white scrubs, but I am just itching to get to the "good stuff"! What is that saying...about a horse and a cart....anyway, I'm doing my best to be patient while sifting and testing through the fluff of the first semester. Don't get me wrong, I'm still very much happy to be there, just overly ready to get through. I guess this is what happens when you wait to go back to school until your biological, economical, emotional, goal-alogical clock is ticking what seems like faster every day.

Pathophysiology is so far not as bad as those before me warned. All I have to do is feed that beast enough outside of class and it sticks....so far. My favorite class thus far is Health Assessment. Hands on, great instructor, fun classmates, lots of lab time...formula for favoritism in my book.

I think I'm really going to enjoy this Health Assessment class. 3 hours of lab today flew by, and I have great classmates. A bit intimidated by knowing my rockin' mom-of-three bod will be nearly completely exposed to the hands and eyes of my lab partner before the semester ends...now that is only because I'm in class with about 15 other young, blonde, skinny 21-year olds...but hey, otherwise, it seems like its going to be fun. Never mind the 30 some pages of assessment points there are to memorize; I'm sure it will all come together when it needs to.  

Greatest thing so far about this school? The instructors. Haven't met one I can complain about and that makes a HUGE difference. 

Its the middle of my first week of nursing school. I'm glad to finally be in an environment that is conducive to my learning style, to be among like-minded individuals, and to be learning what I WANT to learn.

The first couple days left me (and all 57 of the other students in my class) sort of dazed...a classic "huh?" look stuck on our faces. I felt a bit of panic creeping in, a bit of doubt, maybe. So I came home after a very long day of classes Tuesday with my friends Migraine and Back Ache, assassinated my friends with 4 ibuprofen and some taco salad (thanks husband!), danced with my children, went for a run, and ended my night with a sweet blessing from hubby and a the perfect combo of freezing cold air and warm blankets in the bedroom. Even my pillow stayed cold for what seemed an extra long time.

In other words, I feel extremely blessed. I spent a good "couple three" hours organizing the information assault from the first 3 days, got a few assignments completed, read some text, and counted my blessings in the back of my mind all along the way.

I also purchased my first lab coat, scrubs, "good stethescope" (because a half-useful steth from my EMT training just wouldn't cut it), and ordered some other required goodies for further into the shemester. And might I just add, I think I look pretty darn good in a lab coat. Excuse my use of cheese here, but seeing myself in the mirror with that on gave me goose-pimples (because saying goose pimples is more awesome than boring ol' goose bumps).

I am meant for this profession.